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Seven Principles of Smart Dating
Don’t be Dumb!
- Seek a good match: Look for common interests: Great relationships are built on common ground. Do you have similar interests and enjoy doing things together? Do you enjoy talking to each other about ideas? Do you have similar attitudes about school and future goals? Do you find each other interesting?
- Pay attention to values: Do you have similar values? What about priorities? Are the values and beliefs you hold most dearly shared or respected by this person? Are your values about drugs, alcohol, and boundaries about sex respected?
- Don’t try to change the other person: You will be sorely disappointed if you go into a relationship thinking you can do a make-over and turn this person into the type of person you desire. Remember, what you see is what you get. Also, don’t be so desperate to be in a relationship or friendship that you delude yourself about who this person really is.
- Don’t try to change yourself: Don’t try to pretend to be somebody or something you are not just to gain the other person’s love, friendship, or acceptance. Recognize and build upon your strengths and work to make the changes and improvements on yourself that you have identified for yourself. Be real, be yourself, and remember nobody’s perfect. Real relationships aren’t based on phony fronts.
- Expect good communication and don’t run from conflict: Explore your differences and pay attention to how you both deal with conflicts. How well do you communicate? Is there a willingness to learn and improve communication skills if necessary? How you communicate and handle conflicts says a lot about your future happiness in this relationship.
- Don’t play games, pressure, or manipulate someone: Don’t manipulate (for example try to make someone jealous) or push someone to be in a relationship. Don’t use a power advantage to get someone to do something. A worthy and equal relationship is not based on games, pretenses, manipulations, or pressure.
- Have a bottom line: Have a standard for how you want to be treated and talked top. Expect respect for your values & boundaries regarding drugs, alcohol, and sex from a dating partner.
Adapted with permission: Les & Leslie Parrott (1998) Relationships: An Open and Honest Guide to Making Bad Relationships Better and Good Relationships Great, Ch. 6, Grand Rapids: Zondervan. |
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